Destination: Down Hill
by InYerFace
Summary: Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Cartman hates Jews and that's his way of life, but what if his way of life turns towards a different direction? CartmanxKyle
1. Chapter 1

Destination: Down Hill

Who Could Love a Lie?

Just like a bullet being triggered to the back of my skull, my whole body jerked up and out of my dream world.

My world where everyone around me is hurting and crying and suffering. The dream world where I am laughing and pointing and smiling.

My black hole of a heart feeds off people's misery. It's the sweetest treat for that stupid muscle that does nothing but pump my blood. I had frozen mine numb a long time ago. I would never fall in love. Not again.

My fingers search my sheets and pillows. My brains weren't splattered all over the bed. Not like I had thought they were.

My blissful dream was interrupted. One little Jew had to rise up from them all. Just one and they all follow after. I almost died last night. One little rebel had to lead towards the lights of righteousness. When will he learn to give up. Embrace this change of life.

For the first time in years, I cursed Hitler for not doing his job properly. If I were him, a certain little Jew wouldn't be cursing me everyday.

That curly haired freak. The world would be so much better with him not around. He's everywhere. He absolutely drives me crazy. I could go insane any day now, if I hadn't already. But what pisses me off so much more is that he _can_ stop me, and he _will_ every single time. _And_ He'll look like the hero doing it.

Mel Gibson, himself, said Jews killed Jesus. They nailed Him to the cross. Pounded huge rusty nails into His palms and watched Him waste away into nothing. He died because of His own rebelling children.

The Jews.

And everyone looks up to that Jewish bastard. Everyone _loves_ him. They practically worship the ground he steps on when they know so vividly in their minds that he was probably the reincarnated leader of the Jew who killed Jesus Christ. The one rebelling Jew who led the others.

And History books don't want to say it, but the Jews probably killed Hitler too.

How could you love a lie?

How

How could

How could you

How could you love

How could you love a

How could you love a lie

How could you love a Jew?

Repetitive in my head, the words played like a broken record. Wanting for me to so much as listen to the voice in my head. It made it worse that the voice was the same as the Jew. My little Jew friend.

Kyle.

The name in itself could leave a bitter taste in my mouth. He shouldn't have been born. If I would have known he would cause so much chaos in my life, I would have killed him years ago. I would have made sure he was never born. I'm older than him. So, my first breathes of life could have been killing that Jew while he was still in his mother's stomach. And get rid of his mother so she won't have anymore Jews.

A sweet, sweet dream yet again interrupted by a damn dirty Jew.

"Cartman? Why are you so happy today?" Those big stupid rabbit ears flapped at his speckled cheeks as he laughed. That stupid green toaster for a hat. Only a Jew would wear it, "Your mom go whoring around for enough money to buy you a new ipod?" His joke was followed by more of his Jew giggles.

And it wasn't long until it was contagious. The two other hippies started at it too.

My eyes stabbed at Kenny. He was the reason I didn't have an ipod anymore. I let him borrow it for two seconds and he gets run over by an ice cream truck. The kid never dies. You couldn't kill him. That's the only reason I'm not over by him strangling him. It's a wasted effort. He was an angel sent from heaven for God knows why. And _he_ even hangs with the Jew.

My eyes turn away, trying to ignore them. I hated those guys. I hated the Jew. Those guys hated me because of the Jew.

Jew! Jew! Jew!

I'll never get this Jew out of my head!

My face winced at them talking about me. They did this often. Have they forgotten I was right here?

"What's up with him?" The Jew turned to his very best friend, Stan.

"He's fat and stupid," That best friend cracked a smile.

And even Kenny managed to muffle out a "Yeah!"

That's when I realized, I didn't even say anything to them today. They just naturally hated me. Because I'm me. Or more over because I'm _fat_ and _stupid_.

The bus skidded by. Rolling and grinding all the slush in it's path. Funny enough, the bus stopped just enough to have a cold mess hit my face. It smelt of gasoline from cars and dirt. That's because that is what it was.

I heard the three laughing as they climbed themselves on the bus. I didn't know if I should curse or just fall over dead. Does God want to make my life miserable? Just because the ones I love and praise are Mel Gibson and Adolph Hitler? God is such a jealous bastard. He wants all his children for himself. He even wants Kyle.

My gloves get soaked wiping the dirty water from my face. More pressure went to my head as I heard everyone on the bus begin to laugh now. I felt my fingers go numb and my chest started to tighten.

ASSHOLES! All of them! You're all in love with a Jew! If you should want to laugh at anyone, it's _him_!

My hands covered my eyes. Reality was a nightmare to me. The exact opposite of my dreams. Instead of me laughing at them, they were laughing at me. I was so ashamed. How could everything get so out of control?

The Jew! I blame the Jew!

I felt my coat being tugged at. Soft pulls to get my attention, "Eric. You'll miss the bus." It was a slight warning that the bus would leave without me. I wanted it to anyway.

After I did my best to clear my face, I noticed the small boy next to me. Small eyes, wide smile, and probably the smallest person you'll ever run into. This little boy wasn't laughing at me, and I was surprised since he was the Jew's little brother.

Ike.

Kids were dumb. And technically speaking, the younger you are, the dumber you are. Meaning, you're not a threat. Innocence is all over your face because you're gullible and will believe anything anyone will tell you. Some may even call this cute.

In my eyes, I still see a dirty Jew. "Out of my way, dildo!" My hand was big enough to cover his whole face and push him over. Making other people's lives hell is what my pride feeds on. And that gave me just enough to enter that God forsaken bus.

Do

Do not

Do not judge

Do not judge a

Do not judge a book

Do not judge a book by

Do not judge a book by it's

Do not judge a book by it's cover

Do not judge a Jew by it's cover.

I can't trust a Jew. Even if he's all smiley and happy. That's exactly what he wants you to think. You'll be thinking he's cute and he'll be thinking about killing you. Never trust a Jew.

My feet climb the concrete stairs of the front of the school. They did, until they stopped. I could still leave school, but once I step foot into the building, it's all over. Why do I feel like laying in my bed all day is more entertaining than this?

"Why, Eric! It's a pleasure seeing you this wonderful morning, yes?" My arm was immediately snatched from my socket and forced to shake hands with the Frenchie. His ugly brown hat tucked his long bangs from his face and his stringy blonde hair that appeared to be coming from it, rested evenly cut on his thin shoulders. Yeah, a total Frenchie.

I pulled my arm back to escape from him and made myself a good distance away, "What do you want, British piece of crap!?" My throat practically swore with hate. I couldn't stand overly happy people. I just wanted to kick them all in the nuts!

"Well, you looked as though you've woke up on the wrong side of the bed! I figured I would try to cheer you up!" The sad part was, he was serious.

With my anger already on the verge to boil over my brain, I could only say one thing to that. "You want to cheer me up, Pip?" My finger poked at his stupid plaid uniform he did not even _have_ to wear. "For starters, you can jump your cheery ass…" I could never think with so many words floating in my head, "ASS off a fucking cliff!"

A hand came up to cover his mouth, almost as if he was silent gasping. "Oh my! I did not mean to upset you," him being to innocent was just pissing me off more.

"I'd just walk away if I were you, fat ass," it was him. The stupid dark prince himself. Just hovering over me like the stupid hippy he was.

I let myself leave from the two ass rammers, but not before giving him my old evil eye. Which hardly had an effect on him, since his eyes were burning with fire. I practically jogged into the school after I saw I lost the stare down.

What a freak!

Do weaker people latch onto bigger people because they feel like pissing the people off who pick on them? Frenchie latches to Damien, Bebe to Clyde, Stan to Wendy, Tweek to Craig _and _Token, and…

"H-hello there, Eric!" Tiny arms wrap around one of mine and I almost lose my balance. The short boy smiled big and wide from just knowing I walked into the building. What a not so pleasant surprise. Even when the metallic braces glued to each took and hooked in with cyan rubber bands that just so happened to match his sweater. "S-so, how can Professor Chaos assist you today?"

Cuddling a little closer than I liked into my arm, I tried to pull away from his death grip. "God damn it, Butters!" I never agreed to this when we became 'friends.' Without me _liking_ to admit it though, he is the only one I tell my most ingenious plans to.

"Wh-whoops!" Wh-whoops, is right. "I-I forgot the one foot rule!" That stupid shy smile told me he really didn't mean it, and since he has blonde hair and blue eyes and he's _not_ a Jew, I could trust him with that. He normally walked next to me. It was a little closer than one foot, but if he had really followed the rules in the crowded hallway, I'd probably smack him one.

"I seriously need to get rid of the Jew. He's getting on my last nerve," My hands clutched at their sides as I instantly walked towards my locker. Whispering as many curse words that could pass my mind, body, and throat. "The Jew has to stop!" With that, my locker flew open and almost everything I piled in it from last time scattered over the floor. My fingers took a tight grip of my hat and whipped it to the ground, "God damn it!"

I was on another temper tangent, as Butters did the work of cleaning up my mess. That's how life works in my world. I don't do shit and let other people take care of it. Whatever happens, happens. Things will fix themselves. Shit like that.

Before I could spout another reason why I hated the Jew, Butters had already piled my stuff back into my locker and grabbed everything I needed for first hour. "Aw, Golly. I-I think Kyle is a pretty nice fella. I-I mean, he helped me with my math problems the other-other day."

My body spun around and stole my stuff out of his arms, "Nice? Nice?" He was the dumbest person alive. There was no amount of hate I hated more than people who didn't hate who I hated. Releasing all the tension from my system in one deep breath, I let my arm hang loosely around Butters' thin frame. I looked both ways, specifically for the Jew then came back down to whisper to him, "That's what he wants you to think, Butters. God, you're so gullibly! He'll act all sweet and innocent, then, his Jew sense will kick in and start killing everything around him! He's like fucking Spiderman. Once his stupid sense, or whatever it's called, goes off, he springs into action! But in the Jew's case, he'll kill you, just like he killed Jesus!" How much more simple could I make that.

"O-oh, really?" He always seems so scared once I tell him the cold hard truth. Then again, believing all the nice bull, you might be surprised by it. And Butters will naturally believe every word I tell him. That's how dumb and uneducated he is.

"Yes, really! Have I ever been not right?" Millions of sights flashed me back to a couple minor details I screwed up in the passed, so I quickly changed the subject before he could start listing my faults, "Don't answer that. I'm right about this. He'll stick _you _ up on the cross. He'll leave you there! He'll stone you to death and laugh in your face! It's in his blood! A dirty Jew is always a dirty Jew!"

He was incredibly shaky now. My information could have been too much for him.

"Cartman! Can you stop telling Butters bullshit lies!? You know he believes every word of it!" Speak of the devil. The Jew himself, in person. Ready to foil my plans. My only followers were being brainwashed by this… this Jew!

Butters, practically in tears, ran to Kyle and wrapped his arms around him. "D-do not hurt m-me, Kyle!" Begging for his life, "I'll do anything! I don't want you to nail me t-to the cross like Jesus! My parents will be awful sore when they find out!" Sobbing into Kyle's left shoulder, I knew I was fucked.

The Jew looked down at him and tried to smile, "I won't hurt you, I promise. Fat ass is just messing with you again." Yeah, sure. That gentle, soft voice screams of lies. He handed Butters over to his best friend and stomped my way. He stopped, face pure red with anger, "Don't you know when to stop!? I'm sick of all this! It's so childish! Grow up!"

"Why should I respect the words of a Jew, Kyle?" I held my books closer to my chest, my face tightening with it's own rage.

"I mean it!" He slapped every book out from my grip and kept a stern gaze on me. "Do you really like being alone? You must love it so fucking much since you manipulate and disrespect every person who comes in contact with you!"

"And whose fault is that, Jew? The only one I hate is you!" The fact that my books were all over the ground hardly fazed me anymore. I wanted to kick that Jew ass of his.

But I couldn't.

He took me by the shirt and forced me against the lockers. The Jew had strength. He had power. The only thing he didn't have was anger management. He was actually holding all of me up, my feet only dangling inches from the ground, but I was still off the ground.

"Holy crap…" I whispered, surprised myself at how strong he'd gotten. I must have had the same frightened face Butters had a few minutes before. My only defense was to hold on tight to my shirt. I didn't know how to fight a cheating Jew like him.

I saw Stan carefully walk over to us and placing a hand on the enemies shoulder, "Dude, chill. He isn't worth it."

Kyle spoke as if his teeth had been super glued together, "No, I want to end this now." I felt myself rise a small distance and him leaning closer to me.

"Come on. If you beat him up it won't end anything. Just ignore him, dude," His hands rested more comfortably on his shoulders now, trying their best to soothe.

It must have worked, since my feet touched the ground again. I almost started smiling, but Kyle's face warned me not to.

The Jew let my shirt go as if it were diseased. His eyes still dug at me though, "I hope you end up alone, all by yourself. Then, one night realize that it was all your fault." Harsher words than I thought would be said. Instead of saying something about me being fat, he went deeper and more personal.

I grabbed what I could and got the hell out of there. But I wouldn't let the Jew have the last words. "Yeah? Well, I hope you realize God hates you because you're Jewish!" With that said, I made a break for it and sped off. The bell was about to ring anyway.

You

You can

You can run

You can run, but

You can run, but you

You can run, but you can't

You can run, but you can't hide

Jews can run, but they can't hide.

In first period, all I could do was think of ways to exterminate that Jew. It's almost too difficult to get passed him, let alone get through him. I would have to think of something brilliant. Attack him while he wasn't looking. It was perfect!

I tore a piece of paper from it and took out a pen. With it, I would draw a stick figure with a toaster for a head. …With rabbit ears. Then write the word 'Jew' and pointing to the figure. It was brilliant! I was! My plans never fail. But how to kill him…?

My short attention span was cut short, when the most amazing person walked into the door.

Wendy Testaburger.

I know she's a bitch. Everyone knows she is. Everyone knows I can't stand her, but that may be the reason why she always gets my attention. An evil mind like mine, needs a bitch like that. The only problem was, she was Stan's property.

"Gay."

How could I get her?

I looked down at the notebook paper and got the most awesome idea of all! I would write a note to her. The popular, "Will you go out with me: yes or no?" Then, throw it on her desk! If she knew Eric Cartman had a crush on her, she would have to leave him. It had to be the smartest thing I thought of all day!

After writing the note I folded it up tight and waited for the right moment. The right moment meaning, when the teacher has her back turned. My fingers gripped the paper tight and right as another problem was being written on the board, quick as lighting, I threw it!

It just didn't land where I wanted it to. It hit Wendy on the back of the head and skipped up towards Kenny's desk.

My eyes shot open wide as I watched Wendy give me the finger because she thought I actually wanted to hit her. I tried giving her a silent sorry, but there's no pleasing that bitch. I had a different problem when Kenny actually started unfolding the paper.

I almost fell out of my seat. In all truth, I did and took my pencil with me. It needed to be sharpened, BAD! And, of course, I needed that note back. When I walked by I saw him reading it. I gave him a soft bump and whispered, "Dude, that's not for _you!_"

He just kind of blinked and shrugged his shoulders. He folded it back up and looked around, probably wonder who I was throwing it to. I'd never tell him and he'd never know.

I sat back down wanting to bury my head in my arms, when I realized Kenny was even dumber than I thought!

Kenny tapped the Jew on the shoulder and handed him the note. He pointed in my direction and gave off his ghetto ass smile. He was doing this on purpose! The brat!

What was I suppose to do now? The teacher was looking and my note was almost discovered. I cursed my bad aiming skills and felt like disappearing. I never knew my friends were such assholes.

But it was a good thing Kyle just looked at it and tossed it aside. Maybe he was smart enough to figure out it was for someone else and Kenny was an asshole. Thank God Jews are smart.

My head collided with the desk thanking God, Himself.

Thank

Thank you

Thank you for

Thank you for making

Thank you for making Jews

Thank you for making Jews so

Thank you for making Jews so smart.

The bell rang and I was the first person out of the class, as usual. Hippies like to get in your way, but if you push them they move like it's no one's business. Where I was going in such a hurry, who knew? All I knew is that I didn't want to be in that class.

"Cartman! Wait up!" Someone, calling for me? I'm flattered. I have so many fans.

I turned only to see the Jew. I turned back around and started walking away. Who the hell is he? Jews aren't allowed to say my name, let alone call me out in public. "Don't waste my time, Jew. Go find a nice oven to burn in," My hand waved him off, but if he liked, he could kiss my ass. It was facing him anyway.

He gave me a really confused noise that sounded more like he stubbed his toe. But as determined as he is to make my life hell, he ran in front of me and forced me to stop, "Hold on. Can we just talk?"

My arms folded over my chest, impatiently. "How about _you_ talk while _I_ decide if _I_ should kick _your_ ass for stopping _me_," Never noticed, but pronouns are fun.

"Fine, we don't have to talk. Just…" He stopped and ruffled through his pant's pockets and tucked a folded piece of paper into my arms. "Wendy and Stan invited me to go with them," He shrugged and gave me an awkward smile, "It's at seven tonight at some fancy restaurant."

One eyebrow cocked up at him. I had no idea what he was getting at. Why was he telling me about his plans tonight? Was he trying to brag or something? I wasn't buying it. I mean, who _cared_ if they were all going out to eat. I hated all three of them anyway.

He gave me this long look before turning away, "Just think about it, okay?" With that said, he just left into a crowd of people.

I looked down at the note and began opening it. Think about what? Flattening it out a little, I read what was on it. It was nothing but my note I tried to throw at Wendy. The only difference now, is that the "Yes" box was checked. I dropped the paper like a bad nightmare and realized, "I'm going out with the Jew!!!" My fingers clawed at my burning cheeks and thought the world was coming to an end.

"Congrats! I'm so happy for you two!" Kenny's poor little arms reached around me with a life threatening hug. His laughs that filtered from his hood were coated with evil.

My fingers grabbed his coat and forced him closer to my face, "Hippie! Why did you do that!?" My other hand had already turned into a fist and threatened to make an imprint in his nose.

He instantly let go and tried to pull away, "H-hey! I was just doing you two a favor!" Did he really expect me to believe that.

Then, at the worst possible moment, Butters had to hug at the same arm I was about to punch the poor piece of crap with. Talk about annoying hippies.

"I wouldn't do that, Butters," The poor asshole said with a growing smile, "He's taken." His giggles only stabbed my chilled heart, sending it to bleed and burn from the inside.

I shoved them both away from me. All this physical contact was making me nauseous. "Am not! If with anyone, it's Wendy!" My finger stabbed at Kenny's chest, "Because that's who the note was for, jackass!"

The money whore held his chest as if I stabbed every vital organ in his ribcage. I must have, since he was only skin and bones. He coughed up some of his undying blood and laughed, "Do you really think Wendy would say Yes?"

"I didn't think Kyle would say Yes, but he _did_!" It felt like my heart was actually starting to beat. It was annoying. I folded my arms over it, trying to stop it from running a marathon. With it, I started loosing my breath and caused my cheeks to bleed with a weird burning sensation.

Butters was just watching, out of the loop. His eyes searched me, then, Kenny. Then, I think, me again.

"Cartman!" Just like a light, Kenny's face flashed bright as if he discovered something on my face, "I was just fucking with you, but do you _really_ want to do the naughty with Kyle?" His eyes went crazy perverted as he closed in closer to me.

"I do _not!"_ I pushed him back, trying to catch on to the little oxygen I could. "He's a fucking _he_, and a _Jew_! Man, fuck you!" Poetry. But I wished it made more sense, or came out in a different tone.

"So, are you or are you not going to go on a double date tonight?" The poor retard muffled a pretend gasp, "You wouldn't stand him up, would you?!" Just like a bad movie, like the ones you watch in English class. Back of his hand slapped on his forehead, dying with overdramatic reason, "Oh, the horror! You'll make a little Jew cry!"

"Not the first time…" I mumbled while kicking some random thing on the ground, "I'll go."

Both blondes gave me a look of shock. Kenny's more a happy surprised and Butters' more serious.

"Yeah, I'll go with Kyle," I proudly marched away, but not before giving them the rest of my thoughts, "but only to steal Wendy. I'll make two hippies cry in one day." I finally had my victory smile, "Sweet…"

A

A date

A date with

A date with destiny

A date with the Jew.


	2. Chapter 2

A Burning Heart.

My chest was on fire the whole day. It actually felt like that stupid muscle was alive, for once. I didn't want it to. Something had to be wrong. I had fallen in the shallow end and started swimming out. I needed to turn back before I went too deep.

It had to be lunch. That's the only time you can say whatever you want without having to look to see if a teacher is watching. Oh, there's teachers at lunch, but none are paying attention to us. Well, not unless we do something really bad. Otherwise, they just talk to one another about gay things like their assignments they forced kids to do today and homework that most likely wouldn't be completed the next day. Not by me anyway.

"What?" Kenny acted surprised when I told him I wasn't going on the date with the Jew. He really expected me to date a Jew. He really expected _me_ to date a _Jew_? No bitch is worth that. Not even Wendy.

"You heard me, there's no way I'm going. Fuck Wendy. Fuck Stan. And, most importantly, fuck the Jew." My eyes searched Kenny, wondering if he was serious about questioning me. I knew what I was doing. I'm ingenious, remember?

A small smile swept at the side of his cheek, "Why do you only trust people you know _aren't_ Jews."

I gave him an unsure look before placing a straw between my lips and taking a sip of milk, "What are you talking about poor-boy?"

He shrugged once and played with the strings of his hood, "Well, you only trust with people who have blonde hair and blue eyes." Him, being an obvious example, "Do you go by Hitler's handbook, or something?" He suddenly found it necessary to place his butt on the table and use _it_ for a chair.

"Of course not!" I managed before even thinking. If so, I hadn't planned on it being that way. I rethought it and asked him, "Do I?"

Fingers counting off the lists on people I step all over, compared to the people I've just lost contact with, "Me, Butters, Pip, Tweek, and you even get a couple words in with Bebe." He swung his feet casually back and forth from the table, but expectantly, made a wrong move and got his foot snagged on the table, having him fall on his face.

I couldn't help but laugh at a poor retard like him. But went to think about what he just said. I shrugged it off for now and took another sip of the cartoned milk. Coincidence. My whole life is practically one big one.

Kenny struggled to get back up, using the table as a support. When his face came into view, he already had a scatter of bruises on his boney face. He tried laughing it off.

Butters took slow steps and finally walked over to our table. Everything on his tray was neat like the freak he is. And he gets the same thing everyday.

-One red apple

-One turkey sandwich (No condiments, lettuce, whole wheat bread, triangles cut in four, no crust)

-One bottle of water (Preferably some pure spring water from the mountains of Canada)

And to top it off

-One mini pudding cup (Vanilla, with a complimentary spork)

I rolled my eyes as he sat down. This kid couldn't be kidding if he tried. It looks like his mommy makes his lunch. And I wouldn't doubt it for the world itself. I eyed the only thing I would consider edible and snaked my arm around his shoulders, "Hey, you're not eating you pudding, are you? You should hand it over to someone who wants it."

"O-oh, but I do!" He offered his metal smile to me, which isn't what I wanted. He began unwrapping his sandwich now, completely ignoring me.

I wanted to hang the kid, but I tried playing it cool right now. I poked at the little plastic container and pulled an innocent look, "But I thought we were friends."

"W-we are," his small hand patted my back and returned to his food, "We're friends and you should r-respect what I want. I-if I didn't want it, I-I would gladly give it to y-you, Eric."

Kenny started laughing as his ass came in contact with the table again. Poor people are worthless. It wasn't like I could steal anything from him.

I let my arms fold over one another, "Kenny would have given it to me." My eyes shot at the poor kid, "Right Kenny?"

Butters suddenly looked over to Kenny, which earned him a wave. He looked at me, then at Kenny again. His blonde brows arched down as he looked at his pudding cup.

I knew how to deal my cards. If there's one thing I know, is that Butters feels threatened by me and Kenny being friends. It's sweet. He probably shouldn't since me and Kenny don't really like each other. We're just kind of stuck together. Butters is totally jealous of that because he is always so freaking desperate to being my best friend.

And with that, the pudding was mine!

I plucked the little cup from his hands and gave him a smile, "Good choice, Butters. Good choice." Give me what I want and we're good. Don't give me what I want, you're a Jew (or a hippie). I opened it and it smelled sweet. Sweeter only because I earned it. It was so much better for him to hand it to me than to take it by force. A sweet victory.

Butters' head sunk closer to his tray, drowning in his loser-ness.

I smiled so happily.

But was cut off by Kenny's shoe in my side, "So, about you and Jew-boy?" He asked, as if that incident had changed my mind or something.

"I'm not going. There's no way you can get me to go on a date with a Jew," My spork swooped into the giggly, off-white pool of sweetness and raised it to my mouth.

"You mean K-Kyle!" A scared look went on Butters' pale face. He was out of it. And I think that's what scared him.

I let Kenny explain the whole thing while I finished off the small cup. After he was done, I felt like adding something with it, "Yeah. The dude totally has a boner for me."

"W-well, you're not going, r-right?" The small kid acted like it was the end of the world or something. His fingers weaved in and out with nervous habit.

I watched Butters with thought, then carelessly stuck my view of Kenny. "Hm… I don't know?" I kept rethinking it. If I did go, I'd make three people cry in one night. Four if I feel like pissing Wendy off too.

"Wh-what!?" He stood up panicked and having his voice travel through the whole room.

This is when the teachers look at you. This is when they come over to you. This is when they tell you to sit down and lower your voice.

But Butters didn't. He just stood up staring at me. He just waited with a mixture between angry and freaked on his face. I, personally, never seen this level of paranoia in my life, and I live to make hell out of people's lives.

Just when it looked like I was going to give in, I smiled and stood up, towering over him. "I'm going, Butters. What will you do about it?" My lips stretched to the evilest smile I could make.

He shook with a mixture of emotions. At first, it looked like he would just snap and jab his fist into my face. But after a couple more seconds rolled by, his face settled on hurt. His eyes burst with tears and he ran away from lunch room.

The teacher gave me a look and told me to sit down.

I did what I was told, I did because I just got what I wanted. I let Kenny witness my evil smile this time. The smile of pure victory and self confidence.

Kenny just smiled with me, cheeks rested on his palms. "You're so evil," he said in a way that made it sound like he totally agreed with what I just did.

I know I did.

Come

Come sail

Come sail away

Come sail away with

Come sail away with me

I'm sailing away without you.

I caught up with Kyle, or should I say Jew, as school ended. I found him on the sidewalk, falling behind as he followed Stan and Wendy. A typical Jew thing to do too.

My legs pumped as hard as they cold and swung my arm around his neck. It looked playful, but if you were the Jew, you would know I actually squeezed his brains out. "Hey, Kyle. Nice running into you again, huh?"

His fingers clawed at my arm and quietly whispered, "Can't… breathe…"

I let him go and looked ahead at the two lovebirds. The black haired couple didn't even look in back of them and were walking off without the Jew. I pointed at the two and looked at Kyle, about to ask what that was about.

I couldn't because he took me by the collar and threw me into the snow covered grass, "God damn, Cartman! Can't you get someone's attention like a _normal_ human being?!" He already looked upset before I messed with him, so I may have deserved that a little. Maybe, a little less painful.

I rolled to my side with a groan and got enough strength in me to sit up, "Yeah, well, can't _you_ get revenge like a _normal_ human being?" I rubbed at my head and felt my hair. Looking over to the Jew's feet was my hat. He knocked me down fast enough for me to loose my hat.

He crouched down, stubbornly and picked up my fallen hat. He looked away and handed it to me. "Sorry," He said it half-hearted, but I was surprised he even said it at all.

I snatched my hat and shoved it on my head, "You better!" I stood up and wiped the snow from me, which didn't help because it only smeared and melted. I looked back at him, then the opposite way. My heart was burning again and words choked from my throat, "I guess, I'm sorry too." I closed my mouth, feeling retarded.

He stood up now, and I felt his eyes on me. I noticed he saw he was alone now. No Wendy or Stan to follow now, "Hey, you wanna… you know… walk?" His hand rubbed at his upper arm, "With me?"

I turned to him and didn't know how to answer that. I never had a conversation with a Jew before. Not one that didn't require yelling. I could think of any come back in the book. Any burn, joke, and line. But I couldn't answer this simple question. I decided to ignore it, "Stan and Wendy kind of…" Words, words, words, "walk away?" I could have smacked myself. Uh-Duh! They aren't there and you saw them leave!

Kyle just nodded with that upset look again. His eyes searched my face, then looked away. It looked like his eyes were trying to tell me something and his mouth just wouldn't move.

"I guess, I could walk," I looked around, paranoid that someone might see us. Well, it wasn't a crime for two people that have known each other for almost their whole lives to walk home… together. "With you."

"Kay." He stood there.

We both stood there.

I think we forgot how to walk.

No, I think we didn't know _how _to walk with each other.

I took the first step and then another. Baby steps, like learning how to do it all over again. But it was a lot easier when he started too.

And we were off! Check that out! We were actually walking home! It's a freaking miracle!

But it still didn't feel right. We were silent. He didn't want to say anything to me. I didn't really want to say anything to him either. Until…

"Are you still going tonight?" he asked, shyer than usual.

I looked at him. Another question I couldn't answer. I had to make the decision now. It was a lot harder, because everything emptied from my mind. Kenny smiling, Butters crying. All gone. I had to decide now.

After the delay, his head kind of hung from his shoulders, "It's okay. I mean, I didn't expect you to come. Stan or Wendy didn't expect it either. I could always take someone else." The problem was he didn't have anyone else, did he? He wouldn't be waiting on my answer if he did.

With that, something in my stomach went cold, my brain went clogged, and my heart started to bleed. Was this the feeling everyone talked about? Was this feeling bad? And that feeling didn't give me a choice to say "No!" anymore. Shit… "I'll go. I'm going. Going with you. Tonight. Me. Stan. You. Wendy." By the end I was just spewing out more random words. The first sentence would have been good.

And he gave me this smile that turned everything warm and it made his eyes seem deeper than my black hole of a heart, "Thank you. I wouldda felt like the third wheel again." He went on, "Not that you care, but it feels like Stan doesn't need me as a best friend anymore."

I pretended to yawn, "Wow, you're right. I don't care." I couldn't help it. My whole body was aching to make fun of the Jew.

Sparks of anger came from him, "I _knew_ you acting nice was too good to be true, fat ass!" His finger pointed and stabbed at my side. His legs carried himself faster, leaving me behind.

"Aye! I'm not fat, I'm big boned! How many fucking time do I have to say it!?" And I was getting tired of saying it, "I'm sick of you always calling me fat, Jew!"

He turned and walked right at me, getting closer to my face than I'd liked, "And I'm sick of you always calling me a Jew!" He poked his finger at me some more as he continued to rant, "At least I except the fact I _am_ Jewish and don't give a retarded excuse like 'I'm religiously impaired!'"

I watched him with all amusement drained from my face, "Why would you give _that_ lame excuse?" Was he trying to say I _wasn't_ big boned?

He pushed me back angry and let out a loud, aggravated scream, "You are impossible to talk to! You're an idiot! A complete idiot! How could I have thought I could have an intelligent conversation with a retard?" He pulled at the big green flaps over his ears, trying (and failing) to control his anger.

I kind of giggled at that, "Why did you try talking to a retard?" The things Kyle says sometimes are so out there.

"Oh my God!!" His whole body flew forward and tackled me to the ground. He bit off his Jew gloves and started pounding my face in with his fists. "You are so fucking stupid! I hate you so much!"

It was hard to think when you have hard ass blows aimed right at you. It's a little hard to think about anything when you're getting you skull smashed in two. Where the hell was Stan when you needed him. My arms and legs swung back and forth, not doing much, but being pinned under the Jew's knees. I got my face up long enough to shout, "I hate you too, Kyle!" My head slammed back on the ground. I tried picking it up again, "But beating the living shit out of me isn't gunna make us like each other!"

I flinched.

But there was no fist. There was one lingering above my nose, but it stopped before it could come in contact. He got off me and kicked some of the snow that was on the ground.

I got up, covering my face with my hands. Goddamnit! Jews hit hard. "While you're at it, go get anger management!!" I whined through my fingers.

"Yeah, and while _you're_ at it, go get a life!" He screamed back.

And from here, it's just a screaming contest.

"Yeah? Kiss my ass!!!"

"I wouldn't go _near_ you're big fat ass, Cartman!"

"You would! You'd fuck it too, you weird Jew-bag!"

"The only one who's sick is you, lard-o!"

"Don't make me kick your ass, Jew!"

"I already kicked yours, fat-boy!"

"Jesus killer!"

"Beached whale!"

"Jew!"

"Nazi!"

"Fine! I'll pick you up at six!"

"Fine! I'll be ready!"

"Fine! See if I care!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Fine…

As my lungs loose oxygen, I noticed we both started walking separate ways. So much for walking together.

Where

Where do

Where do babies

Where do babies come

Where do babies come from

Where do Jews come from?

Well, I picked him up at six, like I said. And I dressed all "fancy" and crap like I'm suppose to. Whatever. Black pants, button up shirt. That's dressing _up_, right? Besides the bruises on my face, I'd look 100. But I figure, since I'm on this date with the Jew, and the _Jew_ is the one who did it to me, it evens out. See? My logic is so right, it's scary.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Oh, yeah! This is Cartman! He must have an awesome car since he gets everything he wants!" Well, yeah, I wish. I get a lot, but not everything I want. Plus, you know, I'm not old enough to drive. Kyle probably has a car though. Doesn't matter if he can drive it yet, he probably has one. Or two… or three.

"Hi, Kyle! What's up?" As he opened the door to his front door, I gave him a very generic "Howdy hey."

"Yeah," it didn't look like the Jew was pleased to be on this date. With me. Tonight. Didn't _look._ Didn't _seem._ But come on! Who doesn't want a date with Eric Cartman. I was sweet. One of the best looking in town, if I do say so myself. And I do. "Can we get this over with?" He walked passed me and gave me a push. He was a better actor than I thought.

I followed him down the driveway.

He stopped and looked at my bike, "So, you're not having your mom drive us?"

"My mom?" Why would I have my mom know I was going on a date with Jew-boy. When I already told her I was dating Wendy. Heh heh… Um, yeah. I got on my bike and pointed at the handlebars, "I said I'd pick you up, not my mom."

"Smart ass," he grumbled, getting on the bars against his will (I mean, you can't say no to this face). He thought he knew what to expect, but he didn't once I jerked the bike forwards fast and put on the breaks just as fast. He fell back into my lap and his legs were caught dangling on the bars, "Damn it, Cartman! You did that on purpose!" No punches were sent my way though since his hands were gripped on the bars for dear life.

I snuck my head down to him and gave him one of my ingenious smirks, "And your point, Jew-boy?" But as his quick, frightened breaths hit my lips they went numb and my victory was long gone. Being this close was making even me uncomfortable now, not exactly as I had planned. Not only that, but I had this gut wrenching tingle that made me want to feel my lips on his.

All of that disappeared when he screamed bloody murder in my ear. That knocked my body up and gave him the chance to swing himself back onto the bars. "You fucking perv, Cartman!" He shivered and cursed my name a few more times before coming back to yell at me, "Can we just go before I end up killing you?"

I heard him. Well, I more than heard him. He nearly busted out an eardrum. But I knew when to go and when to stay, and it was time to go. Can you believe my legs paddled faster than before?

The

The line

The line between

The line between love

The line between love and

The line between love and hate

The line between me and him.

I sat in my seat, more uncomfortable than I thought. Maybe Kenny was right. You know, about the blonde thing. Blondes are just so dumb and easy to step all over. This would be the first time I'd get stage fright. Minus the stage. I would have commented on how slutty Wendy's dress was, or how emo Stan's hair looked, but I kept to myself. It felt like _they_ were the ones making a joke of _me._

My fork rolled around a mini tomato that came in the salad, as I half paid attention to Stan and Wendy's boring conversation about how dolphins are smart, or some hippy crap like that. I realized for once, those two _are_ perfect for each other. Two hippies that would go around saving all the animals before they would do anything about the humans. A little too Noah's Ark for my taste, but whatever helps them sleep at night.

And all of this was unbearably stupid. Once Kyle came into their little _wild life_ talk. Laughing and joking about God knows what. I suddenly felt like, why the hell was I even there? I'd have more fun hanging with Kenny and playing Wii.

Kyle's voice rang at my attention as he said my name, "Something wrong, Cartman?" A look of concern graced his face, as if he had totally forgotten what I had done earlier, "You haven't touched your food."

I pushed my plate forward, sick of playing with the stupid vegetable… fruit… thing. "Not hungry," there was something about sitting with a bunch of hippies that just made me loose my appetite.

Stan burst into laughter, "Yeah, that's a good one, fat ass!" His shoulders shrugged up and down as he laughed at a joke, that wasn't even there. "Not hungry," he even repeated just incase someone missed the 'joke.'

Wendy followed after him, covering her mouth ever so politely.

I let out some sarcastic laughs, then looked away. Why did I agree to this again? The answer escapes me.

I felt the Jew's hand on my shoulder and gave me a sad look. He, then, got the attention of his friends, "Hey, lay off." He spoke up, a little pushy.

"Come on, you know it's funny, dude!" The black haired dick held his stomach and continued cracking up.

"That's totally immature, dude!" The Jew puffed out a pouty lip and folded his arms, "It's not like I'm saying anything about how much of a whore Wendy looks tonight." You could tell Kyle's getting pissed, and I wasn't about to get in the middle of this one, because he just crossed the line with Wendy now.

"Dude, not cool," Was all Stan had to say.

But Wendy was a different story, "I beg your pardon, Kyle Brovflovski!"

I watched him stand to his feet and lean over the table, "I called you a whore, Wendy Testaburger!"

Stan stood up now, "Dude, chill. I seriously don't want to start fighting."

Kyle went to attack Stan now, "You knew I was worried about this setup, dude! It was going great until you opened you stupid mouth!"

Stan's finger pointed to me now, "Going great? He's hardly moved, let alone said a word since we got here! He doesn't care about you! He just wants to steal Wendy from me!"

Kyle's eyes went wide as he looked right at me. He finally understood what was happening. Well, the possibility of what was happening. But these were, of course, the words from his best friend and he would be a gullible Jew and believe it.

He would run out the door like a God damn pussy.

Stan would follow.

And I'd be stuck with Wendy at the table.

I looked Wendy over, "Nice dress." I let my arm hang over the head rest of the chair and look around at the other people in the room. Mostly old, wrinkly couples that have got to be going on fifty years together. Half your life with the same person. Ouch!

Sick of this, I decided to get myself up too and walk out the famous exit (No matter how cliché it was). The glass doors spun and I was out in the night watching the two friends get over this 'tragedy.' I shrugged, "Don't mean to be rude, but can I have my date back?"

They both just looked my was with great confusion. Stan was the one to walk up to me though, "What are you planning, fat ass? Because Kyle is done with this shit!" How cute. Is he defending him?

I blinked once, "That's nice and all, but I think I can handle it, fag." My thumb pointed over my shoulder at a certain girl waiting at an empty table, "But if I was planning something, don't you think I'd still be in there, jackass?"

"Oh crap, Wendy!" That was enough to get him back in the restaurant as quick as possible.

That left me with the Jew. Him still teary eyed and wiping away a problem that wasn't there in the first place. He turned away and tried stopping his watering eyes, failing to hide the fact he had been crying.

This victory wasn't as sweet as I imagined it.

My fingers pinched at his cheeks and brought his face in front of mine. My fingers dried his leaking eyes and I gave him a stern look, "Stop being a pussy, it's not like you have anything to cry about anymore."

I seriously thought he would hit me after a comment like that, but instead his arms hooked around my body and he rested his drying face on me.

I hesitated, but I slowly placed my arms around him too. The way he fell into my grip so perfectly gave me that same burning feeling in my heart. It began racing faster than before, leaving the rest of my body like static.

His voice tingling at my skin as looked up at me and gave me the most indescribable smile in the world, "I can feel you heart beating."

That's when I knew that he had unfrozen my numbed heart, and filled that black hole.

I

I can

I can not

I can not fall

I can not fall head

I can not fall head over

I can not fall head over heels

I can fall head over heels for him.


	3. Chapter 3

Figure of Speech.

I walked into class the next day, awesome as ever. I wondered if my life took a turn for the better. Maybe my life was going to change. And it was all because of this burning muscle inside my chest.

Two seconds of fame, turned into two seconds of shame. Kyle walked in the door right after me. "Cartman!" His smile was the sun itself and his voice made my heart jump. He quickly ran over to me and gave me a warm hug that sparked every sense in my system.

Yeah, until I heard the worst. "Oh my God, you guys. They're gay!" Everyone pointed and laughed, just like they had when they were on the bus. Everything was perfect, how could my nightmares still come to haunt me.

I did the only thing my mind could think of, and even I didn't like it. "Get off me, fucking Jew! Go be gay somewhere else!"

Everyone stopped pointing at me and they all pointed at Kyle now. I had no choice but to laugh with everyone. I was Eric Cartman, I couldn't be seen hugging a good for nothing Jew. It just wasn't in my nature. Just as my sweet dreams of making the Jew's life hell came to reality, it wasn't like I had wanted it. I didn't want this. Nothing like this.

Right when I thought my heart was starting to work, it stopped in mid-thump and started to throb. The way Kyle looked at me in that moment crushed me. It hurt and wouldn't stop. Tears built in his eyes and he could have killed himself for thinking I had changed. I could have too. I knew he would take the exit as an escape too.

Maybe he was right. I'm immature.

My eyes fell on Kenny and that's when I knew I did something totally fucked up. The blonde gave me a silent shake of the head and turned his back at me.

Who was I trying to prove anymore?

There

There is

There is good

There is good in

There is good in everyone

There is no good in me.

Guilt was eating at me all day, and I had no one to talk to. Could I really be alone all my life, like Kyle said?

I sat down at lunch now and just kept to myself. I didn't want to make more of an ass out of myself. If possible.

I felt a nudge at my arm as a pudding cup was slid my way. I looked down at it and looked at Butters. Everything in my body sunk. My heart withered and my arms grew cold. I turned away, "I don't want it."

Butters gave me a look of pity. He wanted me to have it. He wanted me to act like my old self, but I just couldn't. No amount of pudding could change that.

But with me looking away, my eyes met with Kenny. He stared me down. He had been watching me this whole time with disapproval. Thanks Kenny, but my conscious is doing a good job of that already. "Why do you hide?"

My breath was lost in a gasp. I wanted to look somewhere, but there was always someone staring at me. I let my eyes fall to my tray. I was even surprised I didn't eat anything on it yet. Stan's 'joke' rang in my head. I covered my ears to stop it and whispered to him, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Even now, you hide the fact your upset about what you've done. You're falling apart and you still refuse to go to anyone," Even if the words were harder to understand than listening to the drive-thru people, I could still understand everything. "How could you do that to Kyle? He was willing to accept you for who you were and you…" His hands slammed on the table, "…hide."

My body was filling up, but filling up on the wrong thing. Sorrow was pushed into me, growing more and more. An emotion like a virus, holding me tight. Clutching at my bruised heart. Pressure pains of hurt. "I can't love a Jew! I already told you!" My heart still throbbing instead of beating, "I can't love a Jew…"

"What is that suppose to mean?" Kenny sat closer to me, practically breathing down my neck, "What does being a _Jew_ have to do with anything?" He stopped to catch onto more words, "I don't think it has anything to do with _Jews._ I think it has something to do with _you_, Cartman." he backed off now, "You're afraid. I think you're afraid he would have done the same thing to you in that situation. You know what I think? I think you pushed all your problems on Kyle, so you wouldn't have to take the blame for your own emotions."

"That's what you think?" I asked, looking at my tray, but still not touching it.

"Yes, Cartman. That's what I think," He said roughly.

"Well, that's _bullshit_!!" I jabbed my finger in his gut and tried figuring out if I was sad or mad or confused.

Instead of smacking me, like a normal human would do, he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me face as if he had given up. "So, it's about him being a Jew? What if I told you Hitler was a Jew? Not only that, but what if I told you Jesus was a Jew?"

"I'd call you a liar!" They weren't Jews. What is he trying to get at? How could he say that about them?

"Being a Jew doesn't automatically make you a sinner," I couldn't explain his eyes now, but they were so different.

"If you're a Jew, you go to Hell! Now, tell me that again!" Why was he saying this? It wasn't going to make me like Kyle!

"Cartman, you didn't really see Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ," Was Kenny serious this time?

"I saw it! I saw it more times than anyone! How dare you say that, poor ass!" I just wanted to hurt him so bad. You don't tell me shit that isn't true, not when it comes to Mel Gibson.

"You may have seen it, but I don't think you understood it," He sat back up on the table and looked down at me with a smile (which in my opinion, was weird), "You saw Jews killing Jesus. What you were suppose to see is Satan's followers killing him."

"Yeah! The Jews are Satan's followers!" That's what I've been saying this whole time!

"But Jesus was the King of the Jews. The Jews were His followers. They loved and respected Him. Some of them betrayed Him because they didn't understand His power. They were scared. Satan was telling them horrible things, dude. And when His followers started to believe Satan's words, they walked with the devil instead. But there were a few Jews that stood by Him the whole way. In the end, He forgave everyone. Even the ones who betrayed Him. He died for our sins," Kenny's smile widened, "And he came back the next day."

I blinked a couple times.

…

Satan killed Jesus and not Jews?

…

He placed his hand on my shoulder again, "Dude, I think you can relate to the story. Minus the Holy power and shit. But, the fact is, you hurt Kyle because you feared him, and everyone around you was telling you it was wrong. You have to listen to yourself and do what's right. Because if anyone's a Jew right now, it's you."

…Wha?

…Huh?

…I am?

…I?

…It?

…Jews?

…didn't kill Jesus?

"Why do Jews go to Hell then!?" I pointed up at him. I got him. How would he answer that one?

He smiled again, "All God's children can be forgiven."

My finger looked like it just deflated by the way it went back in place with the other's, "That's it, Kenny. No more church for you." But I _do_ admit I kind of fucked up. Kind of? No, I fucked up big time.

Where

Where is

Where is Heaven

Where is Kyle?

With my luck, gone. The last bell rang and I was in school still searching every hallway for a green toaster/bunny eared hat. Yeah, can you believe it? Instead of being the first one out of the school, I would be the last one. Instead of running away, I'd try finding him.

"Y-you should give up, Eric," Maybe there was one person in the school, but I had a gut feeling he wasn't going to help me. Butters walked toward me, eyes dark and hating. You'd never think a smiley, happy kid could look so grim, "A-after what you did t-to Kyle, he can't possibly f-forgive you."

"I can't just give up. You know me a little better than that," I backed away, then turned my back at him. I needed to keep looking and stop talking to people who weren't helping this situation. But he got me, and I stopped.

"E-Eric Cartman doesn't try. Y-your whole life y-you planned on killing Kyle. I-I was gonna st-stand by you a-and help you do that. Professor Chaos was g-going to help you m-make all your worries g-go away. Starting w-with Kyle," His voice seemed darker than before. He wasn't himself right now.

I think I had created a monster and it was coming back to haunt me.

The

The one

The one and

The one and only

My one and only way.

-End-

-Start-

I knew I had nothing to worry about. The Jew was a Jew. A J-O-U-E. Then again, spelling wasn't ever my strongest subject. If I knew it was in the Jew's Jew blood to find it in his little Jew, Jew heart to forgive a Jew hater like me, why were my legs carrying my body so fast down the streets? The sidewalks? The dark spots on the asphalt, that just happened to be ice? In front of cars? Knocking kids off big wheels, and bikes, and shoe/skates? Why was I running like the Jew was going somewhere?

My feet reached the steps of a familiar house in record timing and I almost fell to my knees with shorted breath. I'd never carried this body, that fast , that far. He'd forgive me. He had to. My heart was bulging from my ribcage. But that could be the sudden, unexpected exercise I had just gotten.

If he didn't forgive me, I'd pull him by the Jew-fro and tell him what's what! I'd make sure he'd be reminded of his religion for the rest of his life. I bake him in an oven like the fucking gingerbread Jew he was. Which didn't sound too bad at this second. I wouldn't mind tasting that sweet, spicy…

"Jew," I shoved at him as he opened the door. I crossed my arms and stared at him as if it was all his fault, when clearly it was all on me.

He peaked from the corner of the door, gripping in defense. Wanting to shut it. Wanting to shut me out, "Go away, fat ass. Haven't you ruined my life enough for one day?" Was he really taking this situation that serious? I mean, he was the Jew after all.

"Come on! Don't be such a pussy," he was dragging this farther than he needed to be, and I'd be damned if Butters was right. Just like peanut butter goes with jelly, Jews always forgive people. Especially Kyle. I held the door open as he began slightly shutting it. It was a mild tug-o-war game for keeping the door open, or closed. If I had anything to do with it, it would stay open.

Everything went hollow in his voice after my sentences. It was a cold chill that scrapped my chest, "You hurt me." Emotion build in his face. Higher and higher as mercury in a thermometer did on a hot day, and to the highest point it would crack. I was afraid that's what would happen here. I was afraid he's crack and his emotions would ease out of him.

"I know," I looked down in total realization. I can't take a hint until someone's at their breaking point. He hides it well enough for me to keep bashing at him. And he'll seriously take each blow until he can't anymore. That's how he always was. "Let me fix what I've done, 'kay? Give me another chance, I promise I won't do it again." I couldn't promise that. I knew I couldn't. I'd do it again and again despite myself. I'd never admit I was wrong and I'd never be seen walking next to a Jew like him. I wanted to. My mind wanted to, but my body wouldn't allow it. My Jew hating blood wouldn't let me.

He shook his head coolly, "No." He shook side-to-side. A brainless clock. A pendulum with no end, but this was the end. "No, Cartman. I can't trust you anymore." Emotions started pouring from his eyes. I could see his hurt now. I could see everything now, and it didn't matter to him anymore. It didn't matter to him that he was showing me his weakness. I had broken him. "I've trusted you for so long. And I learned you'll never change, dude. You'll never change." His face tightened now, spilling more tears down his speckled cheeks, "Liking you takes so much out of me. It hurts me so much to like you. It hurts even more to watch you tell me something, knowing it's a lie. I just can't do this anymore. I can't even be your friend anymore, dude. You hurt me… so bad." I never knew the word 'hurt' could appear so many times at once. "I want to go back to not knowing you. Living without you is the only thing that will make this better," he closed the door.

I'd lost the tug-o-war. I didn't know what to even think. I didn't know what to say, but now that it was too late, I should have said sorry. I guess, it still wouldn't matter. The outcome would be the same. If I closed my eyes the images of what just happened will replay like a projector in the back of my skull. It was over. This was done. I had lost something. I had lost a Jew and it… well, it… hurt. My heart felt as if it were being twisted in my chest and the arteries wrapping around and around with it. Tighter and tighter until it felt like the blood inside would rupture. Instead, I exploded. Instead, I was letting all this pain out. Tears shaped my face and froze in place. I was hot, burning with hate. And mixtures of any other emotions were added in it's place. I should be happy the Jew is off my chest. I should be happy that I never have to talk to the Jew again. But I'm pissed off instead. Enough to kick the Jew's mailbox and have it swing back at my face.

Ow…

But the pain didn't compare. This pain crushed my body. I was suffocating in a pool of raging tears that I just couldn't control.

You

You never

You never know

You never know what

You never know what you

You never know what you have

You never know what you have until

You never know what you have until it's

You never know what you have until it's gone

I'll never know what I lost because it's gone.

Everything hit me hard. I just didn't know how to cope. I didn't know how to think anymore. My hands shook and my face scarred with anger. My eyes red from toxic tears. My feet were numb and felt heavier than my whole body. I wanted to go somewhere, but not home. I didn't think when I walked. I didn't know what I did when I was walking. But somehow I was standing in front of a shit infested house on the other side of South Park.

The ghetto.

It's the only place when you can open the door when no one is home. The reason for that, they have nothing that anyone would want to steal. You want to steal a glass of water? Go for it. Won't know it's gone.

I walked inside. It was dark. I didn't think anyone was home. I wished Kenny was home, but he wasn't. If I knew him, he was dead by now. He wouldn't come back until tomorrow. But I wouldn't bother with him by then.

He has his stages. If Kyle and Stan are with us, he'll hang with them, but if it's just me, he'll hang with me. Nobody ever chooses to stay with me, and I don't count Butters as a human being. I was kind of sick being me. I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want people hating me. I didn't want people laughing at me. I didn't want to hurt the fucking Jew. Where was the off switch to this life? When did I get to take a brake?

I took my coat, hat, and shoes off. I tossed them on the floor, uncaring. I dragged myself to Kenny's room and left the lights off. Seeing no one in the room twisted my insides even more. I knew he wasn't there, but seeing it was what confirmed it. I sat on the bed, almost having it collapse under me. Cheap ass bed, then again, only a skinny, anorexic fucker like Kenny could sit on this bed comfortably.

I looked over at his nightstand. It was an opened pack of cigarettes. Only one used and in the ashtray. I looked away and tried to focus my eyes on something else, but it only made me think of the Jew again. Once I closed my eyes, it was worse. My vision was fogged by tears and I quickly reached over to the nightstand. My ass slipped off the bed and I landed on the ground face first, but the box was in my hands. Wow, I accomplished something today. I took one out and looked at it for awhile. A small cylinder. A really light cylinder. Suppose to kill people. Big things really do come in small packages. I searched the floor and finally found a lighter in one of the poor-boy's pants pockets.

I lifted it to my lips. My finger spun the lighter and only sparks came out. It pissed me off so bad!

-click!

-click!

-click!

-click!

…

-CLICK…. FLARE!

I lit it and took as much as I could in, which was a horrible idea. I choked it all out, leaving with a scratchy throat. After, each hit got easier. But thinking about it didn't go away. Nothing would make it go away.

Once lost in thought, you notice one was already gone. I stabbed it in the ashtray and took out another one. If I died, great who cared? Not the Jew. Not the Jew.

I leaned back and my fingers touched something cold under the bed. It scared me at first, because I thought it was a fucking mouse. But I reached under and found a bottle. I snuck my head under and found cases of them. I reached for them and took them out.

How weak was this? I was stealing from a poor person. Could I be any worse than this?

I couldn't be worse, and I am who I am. I hated who I was, but that's who I was. I wish I was someone else, but I was me. _Fat and Stupid._ And that's all Kyle sees me as. And I'll never change.

I cried.

I sobbed.

I smoked.

I drank.

I cried more.

I drank more.

I smoked more.

I cried more.

I missed Kyle even more.

I realized as long as I was me and he was him, we would never be together. It would never work. It was just one of those things. Like cats and dogs. He was the smart, intellectual cat and I was the stupid, fat dog that didn't know when to stop.

And because I didn't know when to stop:

I cried.

I drank.

I smoked.

I cried.

I drank.

I smoked.

I cried.

I drank.

I smoked.

I cried.

I drank.

I smoked.

I cried.

I drank.

I smoked.

I drank.

I smoked.

I drank.

I smoked.

I drank.

I drank.

I drank.

I smoked.

I drank.

I drank.

I drank.

I drank.

I smoked.

I passed out…

If

If love

If love is

If love is a

If love is a battle

If love is a battle field…

I just died.

-end-

-start-

-end-

-start-

My eyes slowly opened looking into worried blue ones. It didn't know where I was. What happened? I don't remember last night. All I knew is that my throat was on fire and my stomach ached bad. Not to mention the loud ringing in my ears. And my pulse could be heard through my temples. In other words, I felt like rotting shit.

"Cartman?" His question muffled through his hood and he placed his palm on my forehead. With the light touching him from the window sill, I could have mistaken him for God. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

Then, it hit me. Yeah, something did. The pressure in my body rose again. But with it, something else did too. I scrambled off the floor as fast as I could and raced to the bathroom. I felt like I was going to be sick! I felt like I was going to be sick! I felt like I was going to be SICK!

I shoved my head into the toilet seat and let everything from my stomach empty from my mouth. It burned bad. My throat could hardly take this. I gripped the seat like it was my best fucking friend and waited in agony hoping for the upchucked alcohol to stop pouring from my throat.

I stopped once, breathing in and out. I continued, holding tighter. I stopped one more time, put looking into the seat sickened me and I let out more. After the third time I stared into the seat but more or less was looking into space. The burning liquid hung from my lips and spit it out. I flushed the mess down and sat in the corner, shivering. I was the biggest baby I knew. And I wanted my mommy.

Once Kenny heard the flush, he knew it was his cue to walk in. He kneeled down next to me and put his hand on my shoulder. His look just said it all. It offered comfort and pity. I knew he was looking out for me. Kenny was like the father I never had. Man, I loved him. I loved him, but not the same way I did Kyle. If I did even love the Jew. But poor-boy was always there. He always got me back up on my feet.

My eyes closed and again and the pictures came back. I held onto his thin chest and let myself go from there. I needed him there for me. I needed him to help me out and give me advice. I needed him to show me which way to go next. I needed him to tell me what the hell I needed to do now, because what I did wasn't exactly the answer.

His boney arms held me carefully. He told me it was going to be alright. He let my head rest close to his chest, rocking me back and forth. This is what a parent is suppose to do. If I went to my mommy after this happened, she would just buy me a new game system or bake me cookies. Presents get old after awhile, and love doesn't. I guess, never being taught love really fucks a kid up. And I admit, I am.

Rock

Rock bottom

Rock bottom.


End file.
